Breakup Warning Signs

Breakup Warning Signs

A change in the frequency of your arguments, is a strong indicator that your partner has started to withdraw his emotional attachment to you and the relationship.

By: Jay Cataldo

While a breakup can seem to come out of nowhere, the warning signs are usually all around us.  The trick lies in not only knowing which signs to look for, but in being brave enough to acknowledge them when you see them.  Though I can’t give you the courage you’ll need to address your relationship issues, I can show you how to develop a sixth sense for when a breakup is about to happen.

While many different signposts exist that can call attention to possible issues, this article will focus on four major ones that should be addressed immediately.

Warning Sign # 1:  Your partner starts distancing themselves from you

There are two different kinds of distancing you should be aware of: “physical distancing” and “emotional distancing.”  The first kind is when you find yourself spending less time with your partner.  Now, if this happens because a change in their schedule (i.e. new job responsibilities), then don’t automatically assume that it’s a red flag.  However, if nothing has changed at work and you find that they’re rarely around anymore, this might be something to pay attention to.

“Emotional distancing” is a much stronger indicator of relationship issues and is something that you will just “feel” on an intuitive level.  When this type of distancing is taking place, you will start to feel disconnected from your partner on multiple levels.  Take a good look at your typical daily conversations for clues.  Does he try to quickly disengage from conversations?  Is he more negative than usual?  Does he display a lack of interest when you try to share your feelings with him?  These are all signs that your partner’s interest in you may be slipping away.

About five years ago, I was dating a girl whose job transferred her a few states away.  We tried to make our relationship work, but the unmistakable signs that we were drifting apart began to show rather quickly.  One of the first ways she began to distance herself was by calling me less and less, and when we did end up speaking, our conversations were usually flat and uninteresting.  As I contrasted this with her past behavior of generally sounding excited to hear from me, it quickly became apparent that our relationship was headed for a disaster.  Unfortunately, I didn’t know what to do about it, so I kept my mouth shut, fearing that the slightest argument might push her over the edge.  About a month later, my worst fears were realized when I found out she had started seeing somebody else.

Warning Sign # 2:  A new group of friends comes into the picture

This is a variation of physical distancing that happens when a group of new friends comes into your partner’s life and begins to affect his daily habits.  Here’s a quick example: Let’s say that your partner usually spends the weekends with you, but all of a sudden, his new friends start constantly dragging him out to poker nights, clubs and god knows where else until you barely see each other anymore.  While I believe that a bit of space can do wonders for a relationship, this type of drastic change may have ill-intended consequences, especially if his new friends are known to engage in what can be considered “sketchy” behavior of any sort.  Our friends have a great deal of influence over us which means that we can easily be coaxed into adopting bad habits if we see the people we trust and respect engaging in them.

Warning Sign # 3: You notice a change in the frequency of your arguments

There are two signs to watch out for here.  If the two of you used to argue constantly, but now it seems that arguments are few and far between, you may have a problem on your hands.  Unless you have been attending couple’s counseling together, this is a strong indicator that your partner has started to withdraw his emotional attachment to you and the relationship.

The second sign is the exact opposite of the previous one.  If the two of you rarely fight, but now you suddenly find him starting in with you over minor issues, there’s a good chance he is attempting to get you to lose your cool.  This is a very common behavior for someone who is looking for excuses to leave a relationship; when they have trouble finding an excuse, they will provoke their partner into doing (or saying) something they can use to justify leaving the relationship.  Even though it may seem silly that someone would go through all this trouble, it’s actually very common for people to search out a good excuse to leave a relationship in order to help minimize any guilt they might feel about the separation.

Warning Sign # 4: Your partner seems disinterested in sex

This is a big indicator of a broken relationship.  You can tell a lot about the state of your relationship by the quality and frequency of your sexual encounters.  If you have noticed that your partner rarely initiates sex anymore, or that the quality of sex has deteriorated (less passion, etc.) your relationship may be in serious jeopardy.

An ever bigger signal that something is wrong is when your partner actively refuses all of your sexual advances.  At this stage, there’s a very good chance that he may be sleeping with someone else, and if not, then he will certainly be tempted to do so if the right opportunity comes along.  A lack of good sex in the relationship is one of the biggest reasons why men cheat on their partners.

So now that you’re familiar with the four major warning signs, be on the lookout for them in your relationship and be sure to quickly address these issues if they ever arise.  Sometime in the future, I’ll be putting together a new article for you on how to properly address these signposts if they pop up, but for now, focus on maintaining a strong, healthy bond with your partner.

About the Author:

Jay Cataldo is a NYC based life coach and a relationship book author.  He splits his time between running his life coaching practice and his latest project, DefinitiveDiva.com – a multi-faceted resource for women which offers expert advice in the areas of dating, relationships, business, beauty, health and fitness.  Jay is known for getting quick and lasting results for his clients and currently coaches people all over the world via webcam.