“Living Apart Together” or LAT Relationship
January 18, 2009 – 11:06 am
Some Baby-boomers are concerned about complicating their inheritance, particularly if there are children and step-children involved.
By: Natasha Morgan
One day over coffee my good friend Jane and I were discussing relationships. Since we are both divorced Baby-boomers and carried a fair amount of baggage, we were able to keep this conversation going for quite some time.
“Would you ever get married again?” I asked Jane after she told me about the new man in her life.
“Good grief girl, nobody gets married these days” was Jane’s immediate reply.
While the trend toward relationships without marriage seems to be on the rise in Europe, Australians have also jumped on the bandwagon. North Americans are a little slower to get started but the trend is well on the way.
Some Baby-boomers are concerned about complicating their inheritance, particularly if there are children and step-children involved. Others may want to have the freedom to live on their own terms.
If money is not an issue and both partners can afford to maintain a home, it may be easier than learning to compromise at this age. Even couples who have much in common, may find every day togetherness challenging.
Researchers have coined the phrase “living apart together” or LAT relationship to describe the unconventional set-up that is growing more popular among people of all ages.
While Jane is content with her LAT relationship, it’s not for everyone. Some feel that intimacy is lost with this type of an arrangement. Also, there is security in having a resident caregiver in the event of illness or accident.
Proponents of LAT say they enjoy the freedom of choosing when to spend time with a loved one and feel that it keeps the relationship fresh.
Fortunately, in a free society we can make our own decisions on what lifestyle suits us best. Where the problem can arise is when a potentially well-suited couple is unable to agree.
This article was written specifically for notjustthekitchen.com.
It can be copied provided the content is in no way altered and the following link remains active: Read more articles geared toward women.Read Seattlepi Blog: Baby boomers who plan to remarry need to take financial action before they wed
Read ABC News: The Good Life: One Couple, Two Retirement
Photo: .craig
this is very good,and it is the what they call the today.I am a 46 year old divc. woman,for 7 years now,and i have been in relationships with men that had been marryed.We both stood in the same place,yes it is nice living together no kids the been there and the done that.It really is a wonderful place to be at this time in my life,its all about you and your mate.Our kids are 24 and ! Happy Vita M. King no grand kids Happy !
Many of us who are divorced and have grown up children are enjoying the freedom and are reluctant to marry again.
the problem arises when he doesnt want to visit my place and wants us to only visit his He has 3 children from previous relationship living in the same town sharing custody. I have 4 children living with me form previous relationship. we have a baby together. he wont come over to my house with his kids -he sometimes comes over alone to see baby when kids are all in school- we have to (the 4 kids, baby and me) travel 45 min to visit with them (he and his 3) ANY IDEAS WHY??
Case 1
A man….One week stays with one girl, next week stays with other girl, next week stays with 3rd girl. No one stays in his house, he stays at girls’ house
This relationship called “LAT Relationship” ?
If not then called ?
Case 2
A man…Ask his gf stays with him, she has her belongsing at his room. She stays for weekend. Working days, he asked other girls for sex when gf is not here. He is not allow any girls stays his place
For his gf can called “LAT Relationship” or not?
For other girls can called “LAT Relationship” ?
If not then called ?
i in 7yr rel wit 2 kids 2 partner, i hve 2 older daughters (1 living with us) d other flatting, he has 3 otha chn 13yr daughter & 18 yr son to one mum and 22 yr old to another. The blended family has become 2 much for me… i just want my space wit my daughters … he makin it diff … i think i shd jst go n do it n explain LAT
Yikes… that’s a lot of family to blend.
You obviously need to make a change to keep yourself sane. Maybe seek some advice from an expert. You could risk breaking up the relationship. Are you prepared for that?
I am a twice divorced woman of 40. I have two younger children still at home and my S.O. has one child still at home who is about to graduate and will soon be child free. We live two and a half hours away from eachother and while sometimes the distance is hard the realtionship works wonderfully. My children dont need a ‘DAD’, they have one. He is done raising children and i have 11 years to go be fore my last leaves the nest. I dont how long this will last but i am completely commited to him and he to me. We are just a diffent places in our life. We take turns in taking the trip to eachother. The chiidren are welcome at either house and all seem to be happy that finally we are happy as well. There are thoes tearfull calls late at night (me) missing him and then in the light of day knowing this works very nicely. i have freedom to make my own life desisions and my assets are protected as are his. I love him deeply and we both know that at a differnt time in our lives we would have married right away…we just didnt find eachother till later in life. We both went through difficult marriages. We both feel we want to be with the other for now or forever but the peice of paper wont keep us together. It has worked for us for 3 years now…it can work!
I’ve just stumbled across this site-very interesting.
I’ve been in a LAT relationship for the last five years. We both have children -I have four, all in their twenties and independent, and he has three, one of whom is nineteen and emotionally as well as financially dependent on his father.
The pluses are that our differing parenting styles are not a factor in our relationship: I’ve always brought my children up to be gregarious, independent, self-sufficient, where he is much more indulgent. This would be hard to put up with if I were co-parenting, even part-time, but it isn’t an issue because it’s “my house, my rules”. He is also a collector: books, cds, posters, ceramics-you name it. I’m less interested in having things. I also have my heating up way too high for him: he likes a spartan existence, I like warmth! We see each other nearly every weekend and two or three nights a week, have wonderful holidays together, go to the theatre, opera and ballet, mooch around antique shops at the weekend- our time together is special.
Thank you for the great post!
Rita
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