First Encounters … Not a Time for Fairytales

First Encounters — Not a Time for Fairytales

Statistics say men lie five times more often than women. Men are going to tell you they’re richer, stronger, taller and more important than the next guy to win your affections.

By: Simon Oaks

Everyone puts on a show to impress someone at the beginning of a relationship. You meet a guy, you feel a connection, and you want the connection to develop into something stronger. You don’t want him losing interest in you and moving on, so you exaggerate a bit to keep him interested. Guys get that. It’s only natural.

But first impressions count with guys. You shouldn’t come with fine print that he’s going to miss and regret later. This is a key area where women shoot themselves in the foot, and it’s so unnecessary. The balance of power in the world of dating belongs to women. You hold the power of veto. You are always the one who can say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” However, he might walk away if he finds out your first meeting happened behind a facade. So don’t give him a reason not to trust you.

Statistics say men lie five times more often than women. (Now ask  yourself, is that true, or did I just make it up?) Despite human progress and enlightened times, we’re still slaves to our genes. Males are hardwired to impress women. Watch the elaborate dances some birds go through to win over a female — puffing up their chests and using their feathers to exaggerate how big they are. Human males are no different. They’re going to tell you they’re richer, stronger, taller and more important than the next guy to win your affections.

The problem is that our equal opportunity world has skewed the curve somewhat. The days of women sitting back, waiting to be picked up are over. Women can now go on the offensive and pick up guys if they desire. With these turned tables, it has become more important for women to impress men.

This new need for women to be proactive when picking up guys increases the chance that you might exaggerate, or fudge certain details to land your man. Don’t try to be like us, ladies. Stay true to who you are and don’t let the game turn you into an ugly player.

Don’t false advertise. Make yourself interesting, but please don’t invent stuff. Wild exaggerations backfire for two reasons. First, he feels pretty dumb for believing you. Second, you’re not the person he’s looking for. He wanted the person you pretended to be, not the real you. So don’t tell him that you’re up for threesomes with another girl if  you don’t mean it, or he’s going to be mightily disappointed. Trust me, he is. Don’t portray yourself as a hard-drinking, party girl who likes to play fast and loose like Samantha from Sex in the City if that’s not you. No man likes to discover his sex kitten is in fact a quiet cat that likes to sleep eighteen hours a day.

The problem kicks in when the exaggerations go beyond shaving a few pounds off your usual weight and using a pushup bra. A minor exaggeration shouldn’t develop into a full-blown lie and you want to avoid the Cinderella syndrome. Sure, she ended up with Prince Charming at the end, but do you really think the Prince bought the whole glass slipper-thing hook, line, and sinker? Think again.

About the Author:

Simon Oaks, author of Will Marry for Food, Sex, and Laundry: How to Get Him — and How to Keep Him, is a California transplant from England, who swore he’d remain single for life. But now this former race car driver turned writer is a bachelor turned husband, and is letting the women out there know the secrets behind making a man commit. He’s been happily married now for ten years to his American wife, Julie. The two live together in Richmond, CA.

Photo:  pedrosimoes7