By accepting that your partner has had lovers before you and by letting go of jealousy, you can move on and reap the benefits of your present relationship.
By: Jennifer Hunt & Dan Baritchi
Though we’d all prefer this not be the case, most couples have to deal with the emotional baggage left over from their partners’ previous relationships. How do you deal with the vast array of emotions that surface because of the last guy you lived with or the last girl he loved? What happens when these feelings are negative and self-destructive?
Whether you’re in your first or your fiftieth serious relationship, feelings of jealousy (“Why does he still have lunch with her? He should know how that makes me feel!”) and insecurity (“His previous girlfriends were all much thinner than I am. I wonder if he thinks I’m fat? He must only be with me until he can find a girl he’s really attracted to.”) can cause a lot of stress. Part of your worry is wrapped up in your desire to have control over how your partner acts, especially if you feel that he might not act in accordance with your own standards and needs.
A Quick Tip:
If you are feeling jealous, ask yourself if your partner truly gave you reason to doubt his commitment to you. Is he playing games to try and make you jealous, or could it be that something from the past is rearing its head and making you afraid your guy could leave or cheat?
Dealing With It
So what do you need to know? Well, you need to realize that you cannot control your partner. He is an independent being with free will, and worrying about the hidden meanings behind his words or what he is doing when you’re not around will only drive you crazy and drive him away. Today, the fact that people sometimes feel as though they own their partners is the real reason behind the fear, anger, jealousy, and insecurity that many people may experience. The best thing to do is to just allow other people to be themselves and love them for who they are and not who you want them to be. After all, unconditional acceptance from your partner — both in and out of the bedroom — is a great aphrodisiac for both of you.
Let It Go
By accepting that your partner has had lovers before you and by letting go of any jealousy and insecurity that you have tied to that or tied to your own experiences in past relationships, you can move on and reap the benefits of your present relationship. Perhaps your partner learned a great position or two from a former sexual escapade or he grasped how to overcome some emotional or sexual issues within that relationship so you don’t have to now be burdened with them. All of this knowledge and experience will benefit you in the bedroom as you’re treated to a more skilled partner who understands his own needs and who can better address yours.
Copyright Â© 2010 Jennifer Hunt & Dan Baritchi, authors of SheKnows.com Presents — The Best Sex of Your Life: 10 Secrets Every Woman Should Know
About the Authors:
Jennifer Hunt and Dan Baritchi are the founders and senior editors of www.AskDanAndJennifer.com, which has become the premier website about relationships and sexuality on the Internet. The site has more than 400,000 readers per month. They’ve also written columns on all things sex for SheKnows.com. In addition, Hunt and Baritchi are featured content providers for YouTube, Revver, and Veoh. Their more than 300 videos receive between 2-4 million views every month. They have consulted for shows ranging from Dr. Phil to EXTRA and have been quoted in publications from the Chicago Sun-Times to the Miami Herald. They live in Frisco, TX.
For more information, please visit www.SheKnows.com.