You need to deal constructively with your Inner Judge, that self-critical voice in your head that’s quick to blame you and punish you for your mistakes and imperfections.
By: Dr. Brian Alman and Stephen Montgomery
Here’s how to deal successfully with any physical or emotional challenge.Â Spend just a few minutes a day, and as often as needed, taking yourself through the following three steps:
Step 1: Experience Your Challenge
First, stop trying to get rid of your challenge; that never works and is even counter-productive – – the harder you try to fix yourself, the stronger your challenge becomes. Instead, begin to focus deliberately on the experience of your pain, craving, fear, sadness, and so forth. Let yourself become fullyÂ aware of all your difficult thoughts, feelings, and sensations – – everything that’s part of your challenge. Then flow right intoÂ accepting your experience just as it is. And last, find some private way toÂ expresseverything you’re thinking and feeling – – go ahead and say it all to yourself, write it down, act it out in your imagination. When you go deep inside and experience your challenge thoroughly and wholeheartedly, you learn what it feels like to be in touch with your true, authentic self, and this begins to empower the voice of your inner wisdom.
Step 2: Judge Your Challenge
Next, you need to deal constructively with your Inner Judge, that self-critical voice in your head that’s quick to blame you and punish you for your mistakes and imperfections- – even for being challenged at all. Poised in opposition to your true healing voice, your Inner Judge is the tireless voice of your social/family programming, and it’s been drilled into you for so long that there’s no getting rid of it. In fact, if you try to fight your Inner Judge, you only end up being more judgmental- – you are, in effect,Â judging your Judge- – and this only gives it energy.Â As in Step 1, the better way is to becomeÂ aware of, toÂ accept and toÂ express your Inner Judge. Only by embracing your Inner Judge and workingÂ with it can you relax this controlling, overanalyzing, never-satisfied, endlessly adversarial part of your mind.
Step 3: Resolve Your Challenge
Finally, as you experience and engage positively with all your pain and negativity- – as you embrace all the thoughts, feelings, and self-criticisms that are driving your challenge- – you find yourself spontaneously developing a new and more loving relationship with yourself. This new perspective on yourself naturally quiets the many strident voices of your challenge clashing in your mind, and almost immediately you begin to hear your true, authentic voice, your deep intuition, your TruSage. This voice is the real source of your healing power- – it’s where all your own best answers come from. And once you’re able to listen to your voice, you quickly and effortlessly imagine creative ways to resolving your challenge. It’s as if new ideas for health and happiness simply bubble up from your unconscious. And the more you listen, the more the craving, the pain, the fear- – whatever your challenge- – just dissolves away. It’s really quite a miracle. And I don’t use the world “miracle” very often.
That’s all there is to it: 1-2-3.Â In no time at all, you’ll be moving quickly through the process, feeling confident that you can manage your challenge, instead of having it manage you.
Copyright Â© 2010 Dr. Brian Alman and Stephen Montgomery, author of The Voice: Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Discover Your Inner Wisdom.
About the Authors:
Dr. Brian Alman, author ofÂ The Voice: Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Discover Your Inner Wisdom, is on of the world’s leading authorities on mental fitness and mind/body wellness. During his thirty years of private practice, he has coached and trained more than ten thousand people on quality-of-life issues such as weight loss, stress reduction, pain control, problem-solving, relief from addictions, and disease management. Through his company, TruSage International, Dr. Alman reaches many hundred thousand more. TruSage International i mind-body wellness company that helps clinics, hospitals, and specialists deliver high-quality, personalized follow-up through wireless technology.
Dr. Alman has worked with dozens of world-class organizations – – including Apple, Harvard Medical School, Kaiser Permanente, Kraft, Procter & Gamble, Sony Pictures, the University of California, and the University of Paris. He is the author of five books, includingÂ Six Steps to Freedom andÂ Keep it Off: Your Keys to Weight Loss for Life, which was favorable reviewed by Deepak Chopra in theÂ New York Times. Dr. Alman studied at Suffolk University in Boston and received a PhD in clinical psychology at the California School of Professional Psychology in San Diego.
Stephen Montgomery, co-author ofÂ The Voice: Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Discover Your Inner Wisdom,is the editor-in-chief of Prometheus Nemesis Book Company, the publishers of Dr. David Keirsey’s works on personality types and temperament styles. Montgomery has worked with Alman for twenty years and is the co-author of his most recent book,Â Keep It Off.
Photo: Konstantin Sutyagin