Woman Smiling

The ‘beauty’ of these tips is that unlike quick-fix ones that instruct women how ‘not to look old,’ these can be applied throughout life and are for all women.

By: Dr. Vivian Diller and Dr. Jill Muir-Sukenick

We are often asked how the psychological six steps we describe in our book, Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change, translate into practical ways to feel and look more attractive. So, we put together some tips that once were useful to us in our former careers as models. They are even more useful more so now as our own looks are changing! They were designed in conjunction with the internal changes suggested in Face It and work best if you have learned what it really means to be attractive at any age. The ‘beauty’ of these tips is that unlike quick-fix ones that instruct women how ‘not to look old,’ these can be applied throughout life and are for all women.

1. Show Confidence Inside and Out
We learned first hand that models who walked in with an air of confidence tended to get the jobs. It wasn’t about being the prettiest — everyone was. Or about being perfect — no one was. It was about how you carried yourself. Some models were known for their great legs or long necks and used these assets to feel beautiful. Sometimes only one’s hands or feet were considered marketable material. Instead of focusing on features you don’t like about yourself, take the ones you do and embellish them. Delicate wrists? Wear an eye-catching watch. Thick hair? An elegant headband or jeweled clip can make your statement. Posture is a feature all women can enjoy if they keep their bones healthy. Hold your head up with poise and self- assurance and people will see what you feel.

2. A Radiant Smile Can Work for You
There are models who are not perfectly shaped who have successful careers because of their great smiles. Think of a baby’s smile. Does anything bring more pleasure to the eyes of others than that spontaneous toothless grin? Sure, we can whiten and straighten our teeth, but regardless of how they look at any particular moment, smiling with a sparkle in our eyes goes a long way to convey beauty.

3. Reinvent Your Look
As models we had to constantly change our ‘look.’ It taught us to be capable of adjusting our appearance to the circumstances. Instead of feeling anxious about change, have fun as you reinvent a look with each stage. Those short skirts might not work, but other styles may. Letting go of your former self-image doesn’t mean neglecting yourself. Try walking instead of jogging; take yoga, in place of spin class. Adjust your attitude as you adjust your look.

4. Sexy at Sixty
We may have left behind unlined faces and bright teeth, but we never have to leave behind our ability to connect to others sensually. As models, we were sometimes told to ‘make love to the camera.’ With safety pins pulling at our clothes, fans blowing in our faces, that was a challenge. But the more we let ourselves get into it, the more alluring we felt. A model can be absolutely exquisite, but her photos can look cold, sexless, and dull. It’s not about the perfect body or the skimpy clothes she’s wearing or not wearing. It’s about the connection to the viewer. So it can be for you.

5. Accessories Can Say A Lot
A woman who has interests that go beyond age-defying remedies is one who conveys a vital approach to life. Sport the cap of your local baseball or football team, or a T-shirt with a meaningful saying, “Save the Whales” or “Free Tibet.” Use these ageless accessories and you may end up having fun rooting for your team or supporting a new cause.

6. Work Out and Work With Your Friends
Models are dressed, undressed and styled with other people coming and going all around them. (Nothing like outfit changes with stage hands in full view!) At best, we learned to laugh to make the work fun. Instead of sneaking off alone to color your hair, make it fun by passing the time chatting with a friend in the next salon chair.  Go to a spa with friends. Take a power walk with a buddy. Tell one another how attractive you each are. We’re in this together.

7. Get up close and personal.
An essential tool for models to inspect imperfections is a magnified mirror. It’s like wearing glasses while you attend to your face. You can pluck the white hairs if you don’t want them, rub creams on brown spots if you want them to fade, and apply makeup where it belongs. How many of us have left smudges of mascara above and below our eyes thinking they made it on to our lashes?? By seeing yourself up close and personal, you can choose among the plethora of products available to adorn your beautiful self.

8. Leave Competition Out of Beauty
As models, competition was a necessary part of the work. At our age, we don’t need to be the best, but rather look our best for our age, which is about looking as healthy, robust, and vital as we possibly can. There is no race for the smoothest skin, the thinnest or the youngest looking body, nor is looking good about a race with time. Let’s get out of the competition we’ve imposed on ourselves. We’ll all feel like winners.

9. Take the Plastic out of Plastic Surgery
We are not anti taking steps to feel better about how you look. We are not anti- anything, except recklessness. Cosmetic surgery aimed at altering physical features so they appear more in sync with your self image — like removing dark circles under your otherwise sparkling eyes — can surely bring increased pleasure. However, surgery performed with the hope of changing your self-image often leads to the opposite result. How you look is based on how you experience yourself, no matter what you do or don’t do to your face and body.

10. See Yourself as an Example for the Next Generation.
At social and professional gatherings, you have the opportunity and responsibility to show younger women what beauty at midlife can be. Demonstrate the kind of poise and grace you want your daughters and younger colleagues to emulate. Remember, those who admire and respect you are the people you influence most. Let’s provide the next generation with the kind of role models we weren’t lucky enough to have. We owe it to them to look forward to — rather than dread — the years that lie ahead. Live them with confidence that you can look and feel beautiful at any age. It will benefit both the body and the soul.

© 2010 Dr. Vivian Diller and Dr. Jill Muir-Sukenick, authors of Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change

About the Authors:
FACE IT: What Women Really Feel As Their Looks Change by Vivian Diller, Ph.D, with Jill Muir-Sukenick, Ph.D. and edited by Michele Willens is a psychological guide to help women deal with the emotions brought on by their changing appearances. As models turned psychotherapists, Diller and Sukenick have had the opportunity to examine the world of beauty from two very different vantage points. This unique perspective helped them develop a six-step program that begins with recognizing “uh-oh” moments that reveal the reality of changing looks, goes on to identify the masks used to cover deeper issues, defines the role beauty plays in a woman’s life, and ends with bidding adieu to old definitions of beauty so women can enjoy their appearance — at any age!

For more information on the book, authors, and events, please visit Face it the book or visit their fan page on Facebook.

Photo: Macrj

Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow is not perfect — as a football player or as a human being. However, I know he can teach me a lot about leadership. I look forward to learning from him.

By: Mark Miller

Some of you are Tim Tebow fans and some of you are not — got it. Regardless of your feelings, let’s not miss the chance to learn something here about leadership. Here are a few things I’ve observed watching Tebow this season that may help you on your leadership journey.

Leadership Matters — Team sports require leadership. In the NFL, there is an expectation that the quarterback will provide that leadership. Business, ministry, government and academia are all TEAM SPORTS. If you are going to win, someone must lead. Tim provided leadership for the Broncos.

Passion Matters — The intensity of the team is always a reflection of their leadership. If the leader is not passionate the team won’t be either. Tim gets this. This was a critical ingredient in 6 fourth quarter or overtime victories this season! How high is your passion for what you lead?

No Style Points on the Scoreboard — Winning is the ultimate measuring stick in the NFL. Pretty or ugly, it doesn’t matter. Tim knew the goal was winning – not his QB rating. What does a win look like for your team? Is everyone on the same page?

Leadership is a Platform for Influence — When you and I lead well, our influence will grow. What we do with that influence matters. One of the things Tim does is host disabled young people to attend both home and away games. He says that it inspires HIM to see their courage and helps him keep the game in perspective. How will you steward your influence?

Skills Still Matter — Tim has a lot to learn as an NFL quarterback. His skills are not where they need to be.  Heart, passion and drive are huge — but insufficient over the long haul without the skills. Tim knows that. That’s why he’s so excited about the off-season. He plans to grow before next year. What’s your plan to grow this year?

Tim Tebow is not perfect — as a football player or as a human being. However, I know he can teach me a lot about leadership. I look forward to learning from him for years to come.

© 2012 Mark Miller, co-author of Great Leaders Grow: Becoming a Leader for Life

About the Author:
Mark Miller, co-author of Great Leaders Grow: Becoming a Leader for Life, is vice president, training and development, for Chick-fil-A. During his career he has served in corporate communications, restaurant operations, quality and customer satisfaction, and numerous other leadership positions. He began his Chick-fil-A career in 1977 working as an hourly team member. He is the author of The Secret of Teams and is the coauthor of The Secret: What Great Leaders Know and Do with Ken Blanchard.

Follow Mark Miller on Facebook and Twitter

For more information on the book please visit Great Leaders Grow.

Photo: Jordon

Attractive Woman

Despite the vast numbers of sonnets and songs, scientists believe that courtship between humans happens predominantly on a nonverbal level.

By: Marianne J. Legato, MD, FACP and Laura Tucker

Hey, Good-Lookin’

Physical appearance is, of course, one of the very first things we notice about one another. A male bird’s beautiful, brightly colored plumage intrigues prospective mates. The same is true of humans. I recently tried to persuade a good friend that charm and charisma were the things that men eventually and ultimately responded to in a woman. “The first thing we notice,” he replied, without missing a beat, “is how she looks. If we don’t think she’s attractive, we never even get to the charm and charisma.”

A study done in 1990 showed that women favored men with large eyes, prominent cheekbones, a large chin, and a big smile. The researchers who did the study said that these features indicated “sexual maturity and dominance.” These characteristics are indicative of high levels of testosterone, which shapes the larger size and sharper contours of the male face. (Estrogen, on the other hand, is responsible for the round softness of women’s faces and the extra fat in their cheeks and lips.) On some primal level, women found these very “masculine” facial characteristics attractive. Women were most attracted to men who seemed sociable, approachable, and of high social status. They also gave high marks to expensive or elegant clothing; apparently, it’s not just birds who like beautiful plumage.

Men, on the other hand, look for features that signify good health: regular features, a good complexion, and a good body. (It will perhaps interest you to learn that — as you dreaded in junior high school — while large breast size does influence sexual attractiveness, it does not carry a lot of weight in mate selection.)

Another interesting observation: People choose mates with physical characteristics similar to their own (hence couples really do took alike, as dogs resemble their owners).

Are we all just fundamental narcissists? I think it’s more likely that after a lifetime of looking at ourselves in the mirror, our features and coloring seem “right” to us somehow. Maybe we choose the genetic material closest to our own, in an “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” paradigm.

About the Authors:
Marianne J. Legato, FACP, is an internationally known academic physician, author, and lecturer. She is a professor of clinical medicine at Columbia University, where she founded and heads the Partnership for Gender-Specific Medicine. One of the world’s foremost experts on gender medicine and winner of many awards for her work, she is the author of The Female Heart, What Women Need to Know, andEve’s Rib. She recently edited the widely acclaimed academic textbook, Principles of Gender-Specific Medicine.

Laura Tucker is the coauthor of several health and medical books. She lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her husband and daughter.

Photo: gorbelabda

Memory Loss

People refer to memory loss by many names: forgetfulness, impaired memory, amnesia, loss of memory, and mild cognitive impairment.

By: Gillian Eadie

So there I was feeling like a complete idiot sitting in the restaurant by myself, thinking everyone was staring at me with pitying looks – sad middle aged woman who’d been stood up. It had only been about 30 minutes but it felt like hours, so I gave in and sent my friend a text to see where she was.

Next minute the Cossack tune blared from my mobile, and it was Sally.. She’d forgotten all about meeting me. She’s sorry, can’t think what happened, how could she forget, so on and so on ….

That’s a classic baby boomer in action, and if I’m honest, I’ve forgotten some things, too, of late. My memory specialist sister, Dr. Allison Lamont, tells me that there’s a heap of reasons why it might be happening, not many of them good news!

People refer to memory loss by many names: forgetfulness, impaired memory, amnesia, loss of memory, mild cognitive impairment but basically it refers to any forgetting that is out of the ordinary. And it seems that boomers are getting more and more worried about it because it’s not fun to miss appointments, forget birthdays, leave your dear friend sitting in a restaurant on her own for half an hour or forgetting to take medication. That last one could even be dangerous.

There are loads of causes of memory loss, and getting older is one of them. But boomers can push back against forgetting by consciously helping the brain to remember, so that’s a comfort for me and my friend – next time it might be her sitting alone waiting for someone who has forgotten to show up! More significant memory loss, however, occurs, when diseases are involved. There’s a whole list of those and I’ll put some of the most common of them for you at the end of this article. You’ll need to visit a doctor to be sure if you are worried that your memory loss is more serious than just standing me up for lunch.

The doctor will ask you all kinds of questions to help understand what kind of memory loss it is. Can you remember recent events? (is there impaired short-term memory?) Can you remember events from further in the past? (that’s about your long-term memory) Have you just forgotten what happened before or after a specific experience? (amnesia) Do you make up stuff to cover gaps in memory? (my elderly mother is renowned for this)

The doctor will also want to know about whether your moods affect your concentration and whether the memory loss has been getting worse over years, weeks or months. Knowing if you’ve had a head injury in the recent past, surgery that needed anesthetic, seizures or an emotionally traumatic event will also be taken into consideration. You probably know that alcohol and illegal/illicit drugs are bad news for memory, so you’d better be honest with the doctor about that.

Other symptoms might have something to do with your memory loss so knowing if you have been confused or disoriented, whether you can eat, dress, and generally look after yourself will be on the check list of questions. Of course, they’ll do all the normal things you would expect, like blood tests looking for low vitamin B12 or thyroid disease, maybe take a CT scan or MRI of the head, cognitive or psychometric tests, an EEG etc.

So, memory loss shouldn’t be taken lightly, particularly if you have other worrying symptoms.

For most boomers, though, actively challenging and training your perfectly normal brain will overcome memory loss. Why not try our free memory test and see how you do? It doesn’t replace a doctor’s visit, but it will be a start. Give It A Go!

Common Causes of More Serious Memory Loss

• Alcoholism
• Alzheimer’s disease
• Brain damage due to disease or injury
• Brain growths (caused by tumors or infection)
• Brain infections such as Lyme disease or syphilis
• Depression or emotional trauma
• Drugs such as barbiturates or benzodiazepines
• Encephalitis of any type
• General anesthetics
• Head trauma or injury
• Hysteria, often accompanied by confusion
• Illness that results in the loss of nerve cells
• Nutritional problems (vitamin deficiencies such as low vitamin B12)
• Seizures
• Stroke
• Temporal lobe brain surgery

About the Author:
Gillian Eadie founded the Brain and Memory Foundation. Gillian is an award-winning educator with more than 20 years as a principal at several prestigious private schools and is a Churchill Fellow. For more free help and personal advice on diet, exercise, brain food and improving your memory, please visit the Brain and Memory Foundation. You’ll find lots more information and tips like these in the great new book by Allison Lamont PhD and Gillian Eadie,Seven Second Memory.

Sleeping

Insufficient sleep is associated with a number of chronic diseases and conditions—such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease, obesity, and depression.

While we often consider sleep to be a “passive” activity, sufficient sleep is increasingly being recognized as an essential aspect of health promotion and chronic disease prevention in the public health community.

Insufficient sleep is associated with a number of chronic diseases and conditions—such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease, obesity, and depression—which threaten our nation’s health. Notably, insufficient sleep is associated with the onset of these diseases and also poses important implications for their management and outcome. Moreover, insufficient sleep is responsible for motor vehicle and machinery-related crashes, causing substantial injury and disability each year. In short, drowsy driving can be as dangerous—and preventable—as driving while intoxicated.

More than one-quarter of the U.S. population report occasionally not getting enough sleep, while nearly 10% experience chronic insomnia. However, new methods for assessing and treating sleep disorders bring hope to the millions suffering from insufficient sleep. Fundamental to the success of all of these efforts is the recognition that sufficient sleep is not a luxury—it is a necessity—and should be thought of as a “vital sign” of good health.

Sleep Hygiene Tips:

1. Go to bed at the same time each night and rise at the same time each morning.
2. Make sure your bedroom is a quiet, dark, and relaxing environment, which is neither too hot or too cold.
3. Make sure your bed is comfortable and use it only for sleeping and not for other activities, such as reading, watching TV, or listening to music. Remove all TVs, computers, and other “gadgets” from the bedroom.
4. Physical activity may help promote sleep, but not within a few hours of bedtime.
5. Avoid large meals before bedtime.

What Should I Do If I Can’t Sleep?

It’s important to practice good sleep hygiene, but if your sleep problems persist or if they interfere with how you feel or function during the day, you should seek evaluation and treatment by a physician, preferably one familiar with assessing and treating sleep disorders. Before visiting your physician, keep a diary of your sleep habits for about ten days to discuss at the visit.

Include the following in your sleep diary, when you—

• Go to bed.
• Go to sleep.
• Wake up.
• Get out of bed.
• Take naps.
• Exercise.
• Consume alcohol.
• Consume caffeinated beverages.

 
For more information visit: Center for Disease Control and Prevention

Photo: Starush

IRS Tax Form

Tax relief companies use radio, television and the Internet to advertise help for taxpayers in distress. The truth is that their companies don’t settle the tax debt.

“We’ve helped thousands of people settle their tax debts for a fraction of the amount owed.”

“We can stop wage garnishments, bank levies, tax levies, property seizures, and unbearable monthly payments.”

“We can significantly reduce your tax debt. Call for a free consultation.”

Fact or fiction?

Tax relief companies use the radio, television and the Internet to advertise help for taxpayers in distress. If you pay them an upfront fee, which can be thousands of dollars, these companies claim they can reduce or even eliminate your tax debts and stop back-tax collection by applying for legitimate IRS hardship programs. The truth is that most taxpayers don’t qualify for the programs these fraudsters hawk, their companies don’t settle the tax debt, and in many cases don’t even send the necessary paperwork to the IRS requesting participation in the programs that were mentioned. Adding insult to injury, some of these companies don’t provide refunds, and leave people even further in debt.

Some taxpayers who filed complaints with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) reported that, after signing up with some of these companies and paying thousands of dollars in upfront fees, the companies took even more of their money by making unauthorized charges to their credit cards or withdrawals from their bank accounts.

If you owe back taxes and don’t know how you’re going to pay the debt, the FTC, the nation’s consumer protection agency, says don’t panic, take a deep breath, and consider your options. If you are having trouble paying bills, it’s often better to try to work out a payment plan with the creditor yourself than to pay someone else to negotiate a plan for you. The same is true when you owe money to the IRS or your state comptroller.

IRS Help for Taxpayers

If you can’t pay your taxes or your payments are late, the IRS charges you penalties and interest. It also has several tax relief programs to help people who owe back taxes:

An Installment Agreement is generally available to people who can’t pay their tax debt in full at one time. The program allows people to make smaller monthly payments until the entire debt is satisfied.
An Offer in Compromise (OIC) lets taxpayers permanently settle their tax debt for less than the amount they owe. The OIC is an important tool to help taxpayers in limited circumstances; taxpayers are eligible only after other payment options have been exhausted and their ability to pay has been reviewed by the IRS.
In very limited circumstances, the IRS may offer a penalty abatement to people who haven’t paid their taxes because of a special hardship. If the taxpayer meets very narrow criteria, the IRS may agree to forgive the penalties. An interest abatement is even more limited and is rarely provided.

According to the IRS, you can apply for an Installment Agreement, OIC, or a penalty or interest abatement without the help of a third party. If you prefer third-party assistance in negotiating with the IRS, only certain tax professionals — Enrolled Agents (federally-authorized tax practitioners who can represent taxpayers before all administrative levels of the IRS), Certified Public Accountants (CPAs), and attorneys — have the authority to represent you. Their services should involve a face to face meeting where they explain your options and their fee structure.

You can contact the Taxpayer Advocate Service, an independent organization within the IRS that provides free help to people who are experiencing financial difficulties or who need help resolving a problem with the IRS. Call 1-877-777-4778 or visit irs.gov/advocate.

State Tax Relief Programs

The process for tax settlements with the states is very similar to the process with the IRS, although it varies from state to state. In some states, for instance, a taxpayer’s penalties can be waived, but interest can’t. In other states, interest can be waived, but penalties can’t. And in some states, legitimate tax debt can’t be reduced at all. For more information, contact your state comptroller. For a state-by-state listing, visit the National Association of State Auditors, Comptrollers and Treasurers (NASACT) at nasact.org.

Taxpayer Tips

If you owe back taxes and you are having trouble meeting your tax obligation:

* Read your notices from the IRS or your state comptroller. Ask about collection alternatives.
* Save yourself some aggravation by ignoring promises from companies that say you are “qualified” or “eligible” for a tax relief program to resolve your tax debt. Only the IRS or your state comptroller can make that determination.
*Walk away if a company requires a fee in advance for tax relief services. Check them out with the IRS.

For More Information

The FTC has free materials about dealing with debt and other money management issues at ftc.gov/moneymatters.

The IRS has information on the collection process and payment options at irs.gov.

Photo: John-Morgan

Free Range Chickens

It can be impossible to tell what Green Food Labels really mean and whether anyone’s even monitoring them for accuracy. Here’s a breakdown of some of them.

By: Adria Vasil

Is it just me or has grocery shopping grown seriously confusing? There’s a maze of food labels out there, all trying to convince you that a pack of cookies or a bag of breaded chicken tenders is healthier for you than its competition. Trouble is, it can be impossible to tell what they really mean and whether anyone’s even monitoring them for accuracy. So which ones are government regulated and which ones are whipped up by anyone with a brick of tofu and a dream? Here’s a breakdown of some of them.

Natural: Think this term is regulated? Guess again. You could sell a box of cereal loaded with chemicals, put the word natural on the front and no one would stop you. Unless you’re talking meat. Animal products labeled with the term can’t have artificial flavoring, coloring or chemical preservatives but it can still be raised pretty unnaturally on factory farms.

Naturally Raised (meat): You’d assume naturally raised meat would imply that a cow/pig/chicken was raised the way nature intended (unconfined, eating a “natural” diet). Well, the federal government’s new voluntary standard only guarantees that no growth hormones or antibiotics were used and that no animal by-products were fed to the animals. Of course, some “naturally raised” meat is also free range, but it’s not mandatory.

Certified Naturally Grown: Like organic but more grassroots. A band of small farmers that couldn’t afford the big bucks it takes to go certified organic started this indie label. Its standards are pretty on par with the USDA organic program though some of its standards are actually stricter.

Organic: Unless you see a little certification symbol on there, there’s no way to know what you’re eating is truly organic (a.k.a. free of chemical pesticides/synthetic fertilizers/hormones/antibiotics/genetically engineered ingredients and other big baddies).

USDA organic: Food products with this government seal have to be at least 95% certified organic. That means 5% of ingredients can come from an approved-list of synthetics, including the latest controversial addition: synthetic fatty acids in organic baby food.

100% Certified Organic: The purest in the country. No synthetic inputs should be snuck in.

Certified Pesticide Residue-Free: This doesn’t mean pesticides weren’t sprayed on fields. No, no, it just tells you that any traces of chemical bug killers have to fall below a set level for each pesticide.

Biodynamic: A lot like certified organic except a dollop more new agey. Farmers plant and pick in line with the cycles of the cosmos and prepare crystal tinctures for their crops. Definitely legit when certified by overseers like Demeter.

Cage-free: No outdoor access for cage-free hens, though they should be allowed to run around open-concept barns with wire-grid floors. Of course, it’s all hypothetical since no one’s overseeing this label.

Free-range: These cluckers might get to see a little daylight but for how long? One hour last month? The USDA hasn’t created a minimum standard.

Certified Humane Raised and Handled: This label comes courtesy of the SPCA (Society for the Protection of Animals) so you can bet your chicken wasn’t caged and that your dairy wasn’t pumped full of growth hormones. All farms are inspected.

United Egg Producers Certified (formerly Animal Care Certified): You’ll spot this label on 80% of egg cartons, but animal advocates say that birds are still subject to crammed laying cages, beak trimming and forced molting (underfeeding birds to prolong egg laying). No wonder the Federal Trade Commission forced United Egg Producers to drop its misleading Animal Care Certified logo back in 2005.

For a complete breakdown of even more food labels, pick up a copy of Ecoholic: Your Guide to the Most Environmentally Friendly Information, Products and Services.

©2009 Adria Vasil, author of Ecoholic: Your Guide to the Most Environmentally Friendly Information, Products & Services

About the Author:
Adria Vasil, author of Ecoholic: Your Guide to the Most Environmentally Friendly Information, Products & Services, is a best-selling author and journalist for Canada’s NOW, where she has been writing the “Ecoholic” column for five years. She lives in Toronto.

For more information please visit Ecoholic.

Photo: Allie’s.Dad

Getting Married

Plan now for having the time to be married which means time for courting and time for dating and probably means sacrificing something in your current agenda.

By: Janet Blair Page, PhD.

1. Stop whining

Lost and rotten relationships are last year’s mistakes now. You have or haven’t erred. Or the only thing you may have learned is whom to avoid. It’s time to curb the learning curve and stop analyzing your love past. There is no need for review, regret, or remorse. You have amassed enough object lessons in 2011. It’s time to get going.

Place a moratorium on blame. Make a new year’s vow to set break time from the friends and family who help keep you mired in guilt and sorrow.

How terrible they were or pitiful you were is yesterday’s news. Re-injury by reliving your nightmares only gets in the way of your dreams.

And even more importantly cease fire on all negative self-talk. Your biggest enemy is you. Mental reviews may be your biggest problem. You are the ultimate captive audience the one from whom you can neither run nor hide.

2. De-clutter

You may not be in a relationship or dating a possible dream mate but at least you can be at the start — facing forward not backward or anchored in a go nowhere relationship. No baggage is a good beginning. So eliminate deadwood as a new year’s gift.

If the man of the moment is not someone you would marry or who would marry you (and, yes, you do know the difference), dump him now. You’ll be less depressed. Ask yourself “do I feel better about myself when I’m with him, is he _______ (your top 3 and only 3 requirements for a husband), and does he seem interested in marriage or at least on the path to eating out of your hand”?
If so, good – proceed.
If not please say goodbye.

3. Re-order your schedule and your life

Take a long look at your time commitments and plans for the year ahead. Are they to please others or yourself? Do they further finding the love of your life and/or dating someone who might be? Whose life are you leading?

Remove time gobblers and anything you dread that truly is not necessary.

And keep your regrets brief. A simple “I am sorry I won’t be able to keep that appointment but thank you” can keep you out of trouble with anyone or anything that that doesn’t align with your priorities.

At least three times a week schedule meeting opportunities that will make the man of your dreams that much closer by no more than three degrees of separation. You need to be where a number of single eligible men might show up, someone who knows single, eligible men or someone who might know single, eligible men. No other venues will do. Your fairy tale is possible but he won’t drop from the living room ceiling. You don’t know where he’s coming from but you must network and have some visibility to let him find you.

If your new year’s schedule looks bleak, take heart — a blank slate can be a good thing. Use the time to schedule preparation time for the future you want to have — take a class that is feel good, achieves a personal goal, or provides opportunity to meet eligible men or hunting buddies. Write into your schedule what will make you better, fitter, prettier, more informed, social adept, or happy.

4. Visualize your dream

This is your movie. Write your script. Replace thoughts and feelings of what you don’t have with thoughts and feelings about your life and love relationships, as you want them to be. Feel how good it will feel to have life as you envision it and the man you want to love. Experience the joy — why wait when your images of the future can make you smile now.

Remove yourself from any who have a pathetic view of you or your future and draw closer your fans and supporters who can see you as you want to be imagined: happily and successfully in love and married. Their energy can help when yours falters and they can be your scouts on the look for your future mate.

5. Take action

There are steps to making a dream a reality. If you want to be with your dream mate in a year, you need to set your goal and your schedule to match it now.

Plan now for having the time to be married which means time for courting and time for dating and probably means sacrificing something in your current agenda. Even if you only eliminate the sitting around and sulking time, some Facebook, work, TV, obsessive texting, or spurious reading has to go. You need to schedule and protect time to date, to meet that date, and be date ready. Your mood and appearance scream either “I would like to meet you” or “don’t even think of approaching me” and if you fall in the grey area, you are losing. Don’t leave home without your friendliest version of yourself.

You need to dress your attitude and yourself not only for a date but to get a date. You have the double pleasure of looking and feeling good and having more draw, so go for it. Looks aren’t everything. I’ve seen many the woman with a sparkling personality who could make a greater beauty seem like wallpaper. But some attention to looks signifies the desire to attract — a primal basic of mating. You don’t have to knock yourself out, just don’t be scaring away potential suitors.

Planning is the key and planning should start day one of the year. One thing you know is that what you were doing last year didn’t work. This is your year for change. If love is what you want and are missing, other goals and obligations can stay on your radar but he becomes the top of your agenda.

© 2011 Janet Blair Page, PhD author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”

About the Author:
Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, is a psychotherapist with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She teaches at Emory University and has been in the New York Times, Glamour and on CNN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show.She lives in Atlanta, Georgia.

For more information please visit Dr Janet Page

Losing Fat Belly

Liposuction used to be the only alternative for people who wanted to get rid of belly fat. Liposuction works, but like all surgical procedures it has its risks.

By: Dr. Debra Jaliman, M.D.

For most people, January is a time for good resolutions that will make up for the dietary excesses of the holidays. It’s hard to say no to all those delicious cookies and treats, which is why after New Year’s Day, waistbands seem tighter than they were in November. Going on a diet and getting more exercise are excellent ideas for getting in shape, but why stop there? The latest technologies available at a dermatologist’s office can redefine waists, get rid of love handles, and even tighten sagging bellies.

Liposuction used to be the only alternative for people who wanted to get rid of belly fat. Liposuction works, but like all surgical procedures it has its risks.  Scars, bruising and numbness are not unusual, and recovery takes several weeks. Two new technologies accomplish much of what liposuction does, but without the risks and downtime.

CoolSculpting, also known as cryolypolisis or fat freezing, is rapidly becoming a popular and mostly pain-free in-office procedure. Patients lie down for one to two hours while a fat freezing device is targeted at specific areas. Most patients feel so little discomfort that they read or watch a movie during the procedure. When it’s done, usually the only sign that the procedure has been carried out is a little redness which soon disappears. Immediately after the procedure, people can go to the theater or to a party.

The amazing thing is that without the patient doing anything else, the frozen fat in the belly and love handles is going to break down and be eliminated through urine. The process is gradual, usually taking four months, but at the end, people have usually lost at least one dress size. The difference is especially dramatic in the waistline. “I’ve got my waist back!” is the constant refrain I hear from patients. Menopausal woman, whose bodies seem to thicken no matter how much exercise and dieting they do, love CoolSculpting.

CoolSculpting has been around for less than two years, but already it has competition from a technology that was just approved by the Food and Drug Administration. Instead of freezing the fat, Liposonix machines break it down through ultrasound vibration. As with CoolSculpting, the fat is eliminated in the urine over the course of several weeks. Liposonix has been safely used in Canada and Europe for several years. It seems to be both more expensive and more painful than CoolSculpting, but according to patient accounts, the results are seen more quickly, something to consider for people who want to look trimmer for a big event.

Finally, there is Thermage CPT, which uses radio frequency to stimulate collagen production and tighten skin. I can speak with authority on Thermage CPT, because it has become a runaway success in my practice, by far the most popular procedure I perform. Unlike CoolSculpting and Liposomix, which so far is only approved for use on the abdomen, Thermage CPT can be used anywhere on the body or face. It is truly remarkable when it comes to lifting sagging bellies without plastic surgery. Many people use it in conjunction with CoolSculpting, because fat freezing contours the body, while Thermage CPT firms the skin.

Unlike CoolSculpting, Thermage CPT is a painful procedure, and patients do need to take painkillers before having it done. But afterwards there is no pain or swelling, or indeed any sign that it was done. Like CoolSculpting and Liposonix, Thermage CPT’s full benefits do not become apparent for several months. Anybody who wants to look taut and firm on the beach in July should have Thermage, CoolSculpting or Liposonix done in January or February, before the groundhog is dragged out to see his shadow.

© 2011 Debra Jaliman, MD, author of Skin Rules: Trade Secrets from a Top New York Dermatologist

About the Author:
Debra Jaliman, MD, author of Skin Rules: Trade Secrets from a Top New York Dermatologist, is a board certified dermatologist with a private practice in New York City. Internationally recognized for her research and work in clinical and cosmetic dermatology, Dr. Jaliman has a reputation for using cutting-edge technology and the latest in skin care, as well as for being the “last stop” doctor, the one who fixes what others can’t. She is an assistant professor of dermatology at Mount Sinai School of Medicine and a member of the American Society of Dermatologic Surgery. She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Dermatology and is regarded as an authority in her field by journalists and cosmetics industry, appearing frequently on television and in publications such as the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, Allure, Glamour, Self, andInStyle.

For more information please visit liposuction, coolsculpting, Dr. Debra Jaliman, M.D and follow the author on Facebook and Twitter.

Photo: coveplasticsurgery

Organic Herbs

Herbs and spices such as garlic, dandelion leaf, nettle, and parsley. The most potent spice is curcumin from the turmeric plant, a staple in Indian cuisine.

By: Dr. James Forsythe

Caution: Avoid genetically modified foods, whose long-term safety is unproven; GMOs are becoming especially common in soybeans and corn.

• * Greens such as kale, spinach, broccoli, beet tops, and all dark green leafy vegetables in both whole and juice form; also nopal cactus, nettle leaf, and cabbages
• * Maca root from the Andes and maca root juice
• * Mushrooms, in particular these: reishi, cordyceps, maitake, chaga, mesima, lion’s mane, turkey tail, shitake
• * Spirulina and chlorella: these include Klamath Lake Blue-Green Algae
• * Herbs and spices such as garlic, dandelion leaf, nettle, and parsley: the most potent spice is curcumin from the turmeric plant, a staple in Indian cuisine
• * Bee pollen and royal jelly
• * Dark red and purple fruits and berries: these include blueberries and raspberries. Also, goji berry juice and Hawthorne berry
• * Kelp and sea plants
• * Taro root, orange tomatoes, carrots, and orange vegetables

Other additions to the super foods list include cacao (raw chocolate), sweet mesquite pod, beetroot juice, and sprouted flax.

I also urge our patients to consume healthy smoothies that they prepare at home on a regular basis. Most of these recipes include soy milk, nonfat yogurt, berries such as blueberries, blackberries, or strawberries, bananas, and a raw egg, plus a couple of tablespoons of flaxseed oil and whey protein. Many patients consider such smoothies delicious, and they’re also good for digestion.

Copyright © 2011 Dr. James Forsythe, author of Anti-Aging Cures: Life Changing Secrets to Reverse the Effects of Aging

About the Author:
James W. Forsythe, M.D., H.M.D., author of Anti-Aging Cures: Life Changing Secrets to Reverse the Effects of Aging, has long been considered one of the most respected physicians in the United States, particularly for his treatment of cancer and the legal use of human growth hormone.

In the early 1960s, Dr. Forsythe graduated with honors from University of California at Berkeley and earned his Medical Degree from University of California, San Francisco, before spending two years’ residency in pathology at Tripler Army Hospital, in Honolulu. After a tour of duty in Vietnam, he returned to San Francisco and completed and internal medicine residency and an oncology fellowship.

Dr. Forsythe is a world-renowned speaker and author. He has co-authored and written chapters in numerous bestsellers. Today, in Reno, Nevada, Dr. Forsythe maintains a conventional medical clinic, the Cancer Screening and Treatment Center, and a homeopathic practice, Century Wellness Clinic. A former associate professor of medicine at the University of Nevada School of Medicine, Dr. Forsythe has conducted numerous original clinical outcome-based studies on many natural substances. For more than twenty years, he has been interested in integrating complementary and conventional medicine.

For more information please visit antiaging cures, and follow the author on Twitter.

Photo: Hari Prasad Nadig